my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
