Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
