Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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