What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just shotgunned beers for America
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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