you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
