So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have surprise drugs for everyone
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
