Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
