I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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