Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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