I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
