I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
