Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
