Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
