thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
