One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
