I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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