my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think I am morally bankrupt
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
