i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
