I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
