I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i dont even know how to be here
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
