remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
