R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
