Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
