he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
