I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
