he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
