I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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