Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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