so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
