Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
