Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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