Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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