you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
