you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
