Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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