Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
