I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
