her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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