meet me or not, i'm out of control
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
