So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
