If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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