What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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