YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
