he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
