her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
