We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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