Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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