What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
