..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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