and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
