So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
