Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
