Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
